"normal" is not God’s style of running the world

I’m in excessive need of spilling out my heart.


A. it’s always about him.
crisis. it’s a crisis and i sense a big “DANGER” word on his forehead.
wokeh, jadi ini ceritanya, dia sdang mnghadapi masalah terbesar dalam hidupnya. something way too private and obviously not my right to open here in allegre. But….. seriously,, entah sejak kapan gw merasa begini, tapi anything yang bikin dia sedih, bikin gw juga sedih. Herannya, gw gak pernah bisa ngejelasin ini lewat kata2 di depan dia. I never fall in love this way…..

Gw seneng nulis. Gw seneng maen kata, but when it comes to him, rasanya gw lupa semua vocab dalam kamus bahasa indonesia ataupun inggris. -.-“
dan, itu bikin gw semakin merasa useless karena selain nggak bisa  bantu apa-apa, gw bahkan gak bisa ngomong apa2, yang seharusnya diomongin seorang cewek ke cowoknya saat cowoknya need support.
but i can only offer warm hugs n kisses.
i forgot about words. totally.
damn.

Dan, di antara seorang A dan gw, bannyak bangett loh hal-hal yang berubah. Hal-hal kecil, yang entah gimana sekarang muncul sebagai hal yang besar. small cuts hurt deeper…..
hal-hal yang semakin lama bikin gw rasa2 nya semakin putus asa. gw jadi semakin ngerasa kalo i’m not good enough for him. what good is a girlfriend when she cant cheer her boyfriend up…?
kalo entah Tyaz, Crystal, atau anak2 lain pada nanyain apa ceritanya, apa2 aja hal kecil itu, sejujurnya gw bakal bingung musti crita itu dari mana ke mana…..

hari ini (atau kemarin, secara teknis) lengkap sudah 19 bulan berjalan……
tapi, meskipun dia ada di sini, gw juga nggak ngerti kenapa rasanya dia jauh banget.
kenapa rasanya dia kayak bukan A.

gw ngerasa…………….
kosong. dan takut.
normal nggak sih saat menghadapi masalah super duper berat trus dia jadi nggak semangat dalam segala hal termasuk gw?

you know…. sometimes i wish my life would be just normal…
but then i realize that somehow, “normal” is not God’s style to run the earth….
means = i will never have a normal life.
i know, God has so many things far more important to do then saving my love life… contoh: saving Haiti, loving all unloved kids around the world, helping preacher prepare their sermon and so on….
but i wish…… i wish He would come look at me and just tell me how should i walk and which road to take….

Published by reylasano

she writes your stories

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