Afraid

Maybe love was just an illusion my heart was playing on me. Or, as Peter Parker said it, our minds play tricks on us.
Have you ever wonder whether someone as gentle and soft as Peter Parker really does exist….? Somewhere in this world…..? Everybody must fell in love in an instance with him, and somehow that makes somebody like him is really hard to find.

u know what folks? Suddenly i think that love is merely a dream. A dream and nothing more. And like every dreams, a sweet one or a nightmare… you ought to wake up someday… When you wake up, the world seems patiently smiling and says, “Good mornin kiddo. Glad finding you finally wake up. Welcome to the grown-ups club.”

When you engage in a relationship guys, what do you expect? What are things you hold tightly, and what are those you willingly let go? I think, loving somewhat has to be a feeling to be free. it is what makes you get out of bed each day, a feeling where you feel so comfort, even if it means you just watching someone from behind the wall (hahahhaha…), even if it means you cant have him to be together with you. at least, his back is forever yours
But a relationship guys? It’s a total different story from just “loving”. Somehow, engaging in a relationship is something much much much more complicated than love itself. Often hear people talking about love as a complicated thing? See if you finally engaged in a relationship. It doubles the complicated things, seriously.

Part of me hate myself for saying this. The other part insisted that this is right.

of things with kucing, i’ve been told a thousand times by my own heart, that i am just denialing facts i’ve already known. Facts that he, in one hand has not love me the way i think he had, and in the other hand he’s been fenialing that himself.
Facts that, the space between us has been too wide and i kinda feel like it is too late to do anything with it..

But.

But what if even i’ve been told about that a thousand times, the other part of my heart told me TEN THOUSAND times that i love him still, that we can together work this out.
full of doubts, that is what i’m feeling. doubts about me, about him, about us….
Because, look, there are too much dreams we’ve share. Too much time we used to paint tigether our future. I have put all my faith in us. To lose it so easily, it almost feels like a never ending nightmare. And it hurt. Badly.

it’s like there is this…….hole… hole and feels so…empty, like i’ve lost something so important. something that really is a part of myself… why does this love things have to come so complicated??

i feel like… i feel like i cant feel anything. Life is about to choose, i know that. and sometimes you have to choose between turning the page one more time or just close the book. But that is where life and love is really really really complicated. Because, there are mistakes you cant correct back forever.

say, how could i not be afraid?

Published by reylasano

she writes your stories

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