It’ so quiet, really. It’s 11.41 p.m, everyone’s asleep (including A) and it rains softly outside. Can you imagine any better moment than this…?
Lately I’ve been so busy with everything. Not only college projects (which are definitely killing me now). I’ve been busy with skating as well, and the volunteer work I’ve been doing for this past 10 weeks in a village area in Tangerang
, and also been busy with this and that committee assessment at campus… aaaand…. while doing that i want to manage a quality time with A like watch movie or just hang around at my house…
and have i mention yet…? Practically next week I’
ll be starting Japanese class. Hey, don’t judge me wrong folks. I DO know how busy things here, and I DO know it sounds so unwise to add a Japanese class at time like this, but I need this class to apply for the scholarship next year. And I love Japan. 😛
see…? So i’m like… i don’t have much time for myself. So….. being alone like this…. it is really comforting. You just listen. Listen to the rain, listen how quiet a night could be… somehow it feels… i feels so okay.
Of course, actually there’s nothing okay. I messed up with skating class. Coach J said that this move i’m desperately learning is actually a very basic move which i have to master completely. And it is really DIFFICULT. i think i just messed up. i think others don’t need so much time to learn this basic movement like i do.
i also messed up with my class. I had a “D” for a class in mid test. I gotta work my butt off for final, otherwise i am more than dead.
I messed up with my feelings. sometimes, out of nowhere, i feel so guilty for nothing. The other times, i feel so excited. I’m kinda trapped in the feeling of could-it-be-a-bipolar-disorder as a result of me learning Abnormal Psy
chology this semester, and the feeling of could-it-be-a-normal-teenager-syndrome as a result of A endlessly told me that i am still a little kid. or a unstable teenager, whatever.
so, yeah. life’s been weird, messed up here and there, still at nightfall like this…
i kinda feel….. okay.
you know, when you’ve been living a very fast-pace life like mine, you would appreciate more the moment of being “alone”…
so, thankyou Lord… for giving me a very quiet night like this.
for giving me time, to recognize myself.
for a promise that everything is fine… 🙂
oh. and i miss
see ya around folks…