When an unexpected person suddenly reach to you in a “just-the-right-time-how-could-he-know-something’s-wrong-with-me”, he might’ve been GOD’s extended hand to save you. 🙂
there are things running across my heart and my thought these days. i think it’s safe to say that i’m facing a………………………… crisis.
things arent working so smoothly in some major aspect in my life. things i certainly would love to share to my besties, but i just couldnt bring it out. things, i believe, somehow changing my perspective and point of view in life. things, that are too painful to tell.
the other thing, i feel like a dirty sinner. I feel like even GOD would feel so disgusted to see me. I dont know, i just feel it that way. Don’t worry folks, i swear i’ve double checked my Diagnostic Statistic Manual IV – Text Revision, and nothing i describe shown any abnormality that severe enough to diagnose me with psychiatrist problem, thanks God.
if there is ANY light in this so dark times, it was tonight. I was sitting in the living room, practically doing nothing and suddenly losing interest in doing anything. Then my cellphone beeps and i see a text message came in. i stared at my cellphones for a little while, feeling so tired even to unlock that shiny pink thing, because for the past 48 hours, all texts i received was all about tasks, assignments, paper works, proposals and meeting schedule for a committee i’m participating at campus. i was thinking of the “dirty sinner” feeling that slowly eating me from inside when i opened that text.
it was the FIRST text i received that doesnt talk anything about committee work, doesnt talk anything about college tasks and not insulting me in any way. it was just a brotherly text from my almost-long-lost “big brother”, softly ask how was i doing.
you know guys, maybe it was just nothing for you all. maybe it was just an ordinary text, that i shouldnt have to feel so happy when i read it. but when you are in your darkest time, feeling so empty, plus you’re feeling like you’re the darkest sinner ever lived in the world, a text like that feels like a heavenly sweet wind.
unbelievably thankful, i feel like GOD is using His very own way to reach me and touch me from the inside. Because the very person who texted me was an unexpected someone. How did he manage to text me asking how i am doing when i was perfectly not okay and needed support? coincidence? maybe. but i definitely is someone who believe everything is connected and no such thing as “coincidence”.
So it add to the joy that i wasnt alone. i’ve never been alone in facing even the most bitter aspect of my life. i don’t have to hide in my bed with blanket wrapping me up because i’m scared i hurt myself even deeper if i walked out of my room. i don’t have to faking my smiles, making jokes and laugh when actually i feel awful inside. that GOD would never throw me away, and that He never ever give up on me. that He’s working in a way so beautiful that i couldn’t imagine how warm His touch were.
i couldnt say i am already okay right now.
but it feels alright.
thanks God, for completing me with a set of best friends, big brothers and sisters, that in such a way will never let me feel alone.
i’m feeling okay..
and to every single one of you who maybe is struggling your way out there right now, if you’re feeling so desperately helpless, or if it feels like everything is so dark, no one would help and no one would even notice that you’re suffering, believe me friend. believe me that when you have the slightest faith in God, He’ll send help rightaway. even on the most unexpected way.
you just have to trust.