21st

I never ever had a birthday when I was away from literally EVERYONE.

On my 14th birthday, my dad was not home. But there was mum and my family and definitely my friends and although it was a bit lonely, i was happy still.

On my 15th birthday, i think, Kevin was not here in Indonesia. I think the year after that he was back to Indonesia and left to USA exactly one day before my 16th birthday. But my family was there, and so were my other great friends and I didnt think i was lonely at all. Afterall, Kevin was almost always the first one to greet me birthday and I never thought he would forget.

On my 17th birthday, my father was hospitalized, it was his third day at the hospital because of the damn stroke thing and he was almost crying, looking at me on my 17th birthday holding cake from my classmates but nothing from him.

Yet it was my one memorable birthdays. They said 17 was special. Girls in Indonesia usually had this blazing sweet seventeenth birthday party in a restaurant with fancy candles and clothes and invitation. When i was in 2nd grade of senior high, every month there would be a celebration and party and party and party all year. sometimes i even got two or three invitations for the same day.

but yet again, my 17th birthday was still a calm and peaceful birthday. friends and family surrounded me and there was my father, lying on his sickbed, almost crying because he kinda want to do something for me but he just couldnt and i couldnt think of any birthday present more precious than that. Now that he is gone, i would do anything to came back to that very precious moment and hold him even tighter.

after 17, people said 21 is also the other special age. In Indonesia mostly 21 is the coming age for boys. for me………….. 21st birthday is rather special because i turned 21st on the 21st of September and that only happened once. And God could never be more specific on emphasizing the meaning of “special” in my life. God always has His way about this.

This year it was special because, like i said before, i turned 21st on the 21st September.

This year it was special because, I was not with friends and family at all this year..

This year it was special because, I was in Japan, and being in Japan is special, because i’ve been dreaming of going to this place for like all of my life.

This year it was special because, dad was gone and this is my first birthday without him, and i wasnt even home.

This year…………………………………………………. could never been better. 🙂

the morning i turned 21, Kevin sent me a message and LITERALLY stating that he knew this was my first birthday away from home.

Knowing him for a long time, I could say that it was just another unique way of him to show that he knows. that he cares. He was the first one to greet me Happy Birthday and realizing that he never misses my birthday was somehow made me feel relieved.

and then also in the morning A sent me a text to my phone, and it was really kind of him and i was glad, really really glad that at least they didnt forget. That morning i sort of think that no one will remember. no, dont laugh at me, i seriously meant that. it feels like i was eliminated from everybody’s memory soon after i left for Japan. and since i havent been close enough with everyone here i sorta of believe they dont even know anything about my birthday and it was not their fault at all.

i just thought it would be……… just sad.

But as always, I was wrong. :’)

and this time, I am happy i was wrong.

Early morning Rini knocked my door and she sang the happy birthday song and gave me a gift. it was a mug of Chopper! I have no idea since when did I fell in love with him but well, he’s cute and cheerful and cute again.. ngahahahahhaa…

okay, okay. and so i was really happppppy with this mug of Chopper and i would soon upload the pictures so you could share the happiness!

it was really kind of Rini and i was really really so very very very happy!

so then I walked downstairs and Estela and Jenni hugged me and gave me cellphone chains, which I was really really really LOVE! and I was absolutely happy! Stel also gave me some cookies and then Marina gave me an Agenda, and it was really cool because i’ve been looking for that since like two weeks or so and she remembered and she gave that to me along with a bar of chocolate.

What else could I ask for a birthday?

After that Rini made everyone sing a Happy Birthday song with different languages and Oneechan (Teng Senpai, a senior of mine in the dorm) gave me her presents. It was a hairpin with a birthday card and I was BEYOND happy. To be here and to have so many friends who love me and care for me, I am such a lucky girl. :’) It was really hard not to cry because I didnt even imagine that i will have such a sweet birthday..

And it wasnt all. I checked my emails and everything and there is this video Aloince made for me as a birthday present and tears were all rounding in my eyes. If I havent remember that there were a lot of people sitting around me i might’ve just cry out loud. Loince made a video with Remember Me This Way as the background song (nicely done Loince, you just know how to touch my weakest point) and the video shows collection of pictures from our first months at the college untill moments to where they went with me to the airport.

Bombice also made something special. she made a pretty long video of herself talking to me and i couldnt help but responded like it was really her in front of me. i laughed with her, answering her questions, scream out loud when she talked about Yessung oppa (yes, that cute Super Junior member) and I was………………..

it was them.

and they never changed a bit, this girls. It was really like if I were there with them and they made my birthday………… special. They are actually the MAIN people who make my birthday is so very far from lonely.

After that Veli also sent me a poem, in which i found so many feelings she tried hard to express. and found courage and i felt so grateful, that this birthday turns out to be one of the happiest birthday I ever had. God never let me walk alone.

Soon after Cindy also sent me picture she edited by herself, along with a poem and her poem touches my heart. I can almost say that I understand everything she wrote and I captured the feelings she would want me to feel. and by being here, with them, I shoudn’t even THINK that this is gonna be a lonely birthday. because it was NOT. and it was because of them.

If you have best friends surrounding you, even across the ocean and when you dont have faith in yourself but they still there showing that there are things time and distance could not change,

If one of your whole-life dream is actually coming true and you’re living your dream right now,

If you have the chance to connect and relate with people from all over the world,

If there are those who sincerely pray for your happiness, safety and for you to have the courage to go on,

man, your life is good. Sure there are problems here and there, sure you feel lonely every once and a while, sure some things maybe dont go the way you wanted them to, sure people still wrongly judge you and sure at some point life is still not fair.

but it is good. your life is good.

be thankful. 🙂

this is my reflection of being 21, being away from everybody, being wrong for almost all the time, being wiser after that, being a better girl, being a better me.

thank you to you all, for letting me sipping the merit and joy of life, for you all have add colors in my live, traces in my heart, and joy in my days…