Good evening everyone.. 🙂
Today is the last day of Hamakaze Festival at my university. I was planning on giving you all a full report about the festival today but something happened that grasp my full attention and this was far more important, much much more important than Hamakaze Festival. I would still LOVE to write about the Hamakaze festival of course, just maybe not today. 😀 😀
Today I was attending a meeting for a volunteer program at the uni and i received a mail from a very dear friend. She had a good news, her father has passed all tests to work at Finland, a place so far away i could only imagine how could I ever see her again. But her family has been through a lot of things until they heard this good news and it is really really hard not to be happy for her.
I was happy, but a sting of pain quickly attacked me, replacing the happiness i felt before. When she said she’ll be going to Finland, that means when I got back home to Indonesia, she will not be there. For a pretty long time I just stand still, I’m so afraid that if i move, i’ll lose control of myself and will burst into tears.
She was, a best friend whose place is irreplaceable.
She was, someone i count in whenever i need a good laugh.
She was, someone i’ll run to whenever i need to be heard.
She was, someone who turns everything into comedy, live in action and i missed her jokes, her stupid face and expression, her innocent words that make me and my other dearest girls laugh our day off.
She was, someone who believes in me, anytime i dont believe in myself.
She was, someone who faithfully reminds me of everything i need to remember, almost act like a personal agenda and someone who are not good enough on expressing things with words, but still has her message clearly delivered.
If it werent for her, maybe i wont sit here in the one of the most fabolous country existed in the world. I wont be here in Japan should she was not there with me along the process of my scholarship application.
she was there, from the point i wrote my CV and letter of application to the point i had to do the interview.
she was there, together re-read my application and watch me re-write it again and helped me handle all of my other important task: registering cclasses at the uni etc while i’m cracking my head on what to write.
she was there, staying with me while i’m waiting for my turn to get the interview and slowly losing confidence and was actually deciding to just give it up and go home. she was there, to pat my back and held my hand and reassuring me every single minute that i was worth it.
If it werent for her, maybe i havent yet finished my first chapter of undergraduate theses and still be like a zombie and not sure what i will write and how do i even start.
she was there, glaring at me every time i got lazy, and be there when we together share the stress, the excitement, the anger, the tears, the……. food. 🙂
to list moments i had with her and things i treasure forever is like an endless thing to do. because they were just TOO much.
I often think, why do God always meet me up with these special persons, only for me to learn that there has to be another goodbye between us.
i am sad. i thought i could use a better time with her. i am sad, to think that her face wont be there when i got back home. i am sad, to think that this last year i wont share her birthday, Christmas, New Year, Graduation….. i wont even be there when she left to Finland. and altough i heart her so deep that i thought it would be good for her to go, to find new experiences, to have some more adventures……….. i still…………………………….
i’m trying so hard to believe that everything is going to be allright, that there are lots of way of communicating and that friendship is one of those little things that is untouchable by time, unchangeable by distance… still.. i feel so………… sad.
suddenly i thought that going to Japan is not really the best decision.
suddenly i thought, that being here… cost me too much sacrifices.
i wish i was stronger, but perhaps i am this weak.
perhaps, things cant be allright anymore.