the ‘Karaoke’s playlist’ I always had with the girls back home in Indonesia. Two of them were ‘To Love You More’ and ‘If You Touch Me Like This’ by Celine Dion, which definitely took my thoughts directly to Rinane, Loince, Dee, and Bombina.
Those days were really peaceful, happy, exciting and warm days.
I can almost recall their voices when singing the songs, their dances, their faces, their expression, the light setting in the karaoke room, the music, the atmosphere….
To realize that I really really really do miss them an
d more than ever, I wish they were just a breath away not far from where I am (which literally means I had to transport them to Japan and maybe would not happen untull next five years or so ahead). Sometimes I wonder if putting their pictures all over my desk is actually a good thing to do since I always almost cry everytime I see those pictures. But then again those pictures are my mood booster every morning, my way to keep them here with me, miles away. Their pictures are the smiling graphics I see every morning when I wake up, I see everytime I checked my windows before I leave my room and those pictures accompany me through my many hours of writing report, learning Kanji, me
morizing vocabularies, and I am happy I put those pictures there.
I miss Jude to the point I never had before. There are always times when I what I want to do is jump to the phone and call her. To tell her things I’ve seen, secrets I want to share, problem I need a realistic head to help, to have a friend who sit by me in a coffee shop talking about life, and where to go to travel next month. T o have someone by me to catch movies every week and talk about it all week, to have a friend to run to the nearest bookstore and starting to spending money on those books, to laugh when a cute boy walked passed us, or simply to share the warmth of friendship.
To have a friend who stand by me whenever i am weak, whenever i am in need of help, whenever i need a pat on the back, whenever i need a slap in the face.
I miss her so bad. Skype and emails are so nice and I am so thankful for them, but it is different. It is different when the person is there, that you know they are within your reach. When things got worse, you can still ALWAYS run to them, knocking their doors, they will provide protection and hugs and warmth and love for you. When you are miles and miles and too much miles away from them, you cannot expect to go home anytime you want to and knocking their doors to get a hug.
This Christmas, I want to be home. And going home means going to the place where they are, to the place where I feel so safe, so all right, and so warm.
I miss my bestfriends.