(You are not forced to read this, if you are part of people who might be easily got angry for what i write, there is always a ‘close’ button on your browser. Use it well and proceed on your own understanding)
I have a project of enjoying my time here in Japan, stop or at least less complaining and completely have a fun life here. Turns out, the very first step to do that is to literally be back to my own self.
It happened at some moment here in Japan that I start fooling myself by not acting as the real me. By worrying too much, way too much about what other people think, relating it to the reputation of my home university and how my actions would affect the hard work my seniors did and affect the welfare of my junior in the coming years.
For real man, I aint living for myself here. I live for other people, for justice’s sake. I live for my university and my seniors’ reputation, right now I can’t think of any even more stupid way of living a life than what I’m doing right now.
And, at some other point, which is literally just now, I realized that I can not achieve my goals if I dont stop being a pathetic one, who keep pitying myself and grow even more miserable in a place where I should kiss the stars, wake the sun and touch the sky since literally I should HAVE living MY dream right now. Instead i’m acting like i am not living my dream.
and this is enough. I have been so really silent for most of the time, when dirty politics and people who are not related to me, people who should mind their own business and people who dont know me at all judging me, keeping me on the edge and somehow MANAGED to change me, to follow their thoughts, adapt their behavior and act like everything they say is right.
The hell with it.
I am no longer going to do this. When people touched my PRINCIPAL values and they don’t stop bugging my very own comfort zone, hell back off. back off now before i really bite you. If you think my life so sucks that you need to lend a hand in a way you think would fix everything out, go screw your own life. People got their own life to be cursed on. There is this barrier that keep certain pieces of my whole identity, existence and core of a self i could called “Rey” and this barrier is my own. Things here starting to slowly reaching my barrier and I have had enough.
From now on I am not gonna stay silent when they start bugging my own life.
Screw all the dirty politics, screw all the authority.
i am living my own live right now, i will keep my responsibility as best as i could but when it comes to things that are against my very own principal values, uh-uh, wait just a minute. I aint living here to be praised and well liked, i aint being here to say yes to everything people say.
I am me. for what i do, what i think, and what i say.
if they dont like me for who i am, i have no reason to change me so they will like me.
i am not letting this going any farther, i am not letting people and society robbed my personality, killing my views and even tough it’s not always easy to speak out, at least i show what i think.
i am going to live myself like i always do and should anyone have problem with that, i should not even care.