2014 – The Year of Rejection and Blessings in Disguise

January
A happy kid who got to be back to her birth town in Ambon. Spent Christmas and new year with the whole family; a full house as her family would put it, and realize that to her, her family matters the most.

Suli Beach, at its sunniest day
February
Honestly could not remember what happened. Probably was lying half alive over research journals, hours of recorded interview tapes, and all sort of preparation for the theses defense.
March
Undergraduate theses defense — Failed.
Sent home with teary eyes (it was her youngest brother’s birthday. Which was so sucks, she did not want to ruin his day), but received a lot of support from the most unexpected people.
April
Mardi Wu, CEO of Nutrifood. Photo from here

Challenged herself and applied to the prestigious internship with Nutrifood for marketing communication instead of the usual path for Psychology student; HR (Human Resources) Development. Made it to the final round of interview, met the hot Mardi Wu. But rejected nonetheless.

May
Applied to EF Global Internship Program — Rejected

Photo from here

And then a very important person in her life returned home to Jakarta. Spent one single day with this person and had a long talk about friendship, love and exploring hidden feelings. For the first time realizing she is at great disadvantage when asked to describe her emotions and feeling verbally. Self esteem on its lowest point because it seems everything she did was never good enough.

Undergraduate theses defense, the second time — Nailed it like a pro. HA HA. Take that, reviewers. One does not simply walked into a juvenile detention centre and failed the second time.

June
Officially graduated from the School of Psychology. Presented the 100 pages of qualitative research on “Juvenile Sex Offenders and Their Attachment to Their Parents” Dedicated and owe each and every single one of those 100 pages to these people:

  1. God, for giving me strength through these angels in disguise:
  2. Direktorat Jenderal Pemasyarakatan, dan staff bidang Hubungan Masyarakat yang dengan ceria membuatkan surat izin dan mendukung saya agar “secepat kilat” menyelesaikan skripsi. Sebuah hal yang jarang saya temui ketika berurusan dengan birokrasi; sambutan dari Dirjen Pemasyarakatan menyisipkan semangat tersendiri dalam penyelesaian penulisan skripsi.
  3. Lembaga Pemasyarakatan Anak Pria Klas IIA Tangerang, seluruh staff yang bersabar menemani, memberikan insight, menjawab semua pertanyaan, menyemangati dan menawarkan bantuan untuk menjadi penguji demi menghilangkan rasa gugup untuk menghadapi Sidang Sarjana. Terimakasih Ibu Yenita dan Pak Rizal karena menjadi rekan diskusi yang luar biasa. Terimakasih kepada ke-32 Anak Didik Lembaga Pemasyarakatan Anak Pria untuk waktu, inspirasi dan pelajaran hidup yang diberikan untuk saya. Terimakasih telah mengijinkan saya mengintip kehidupan pribadi kalian. Terimakasih juga untuk musik yang dimainkan dan tawa yang disuguhkan setiap kali saya datang. Ke depannya saya mendoakan segala yang terbaik untuk rekan-rekan.
  4. Prof. Bernadette, PhD. Old saying says, that a good educator teaches for a while, but inspire forever. Dear Bu Ber, I am forever grateful for every single lesson I got from you. There are too many moments when I doubted myself, what I am capable of, or lost and could not remember why I chose this path. But you will always remind me, listening to me, and supporting my rather unusual dreams. You made my problem your problem and offering fresh eyes to see things. Thank you for believing in me, for frowning when I say these are “silly dreams” of mine because for you they are not silly at all, for being able to talk about research and all psychology-related thing in one minute and switch mode then talk about going to FL on the next minute. Thank you for always praying for me, for giving me space whenever I need it and basically, for understanding me. Thank you Bu, blessed your soul.
  5. Drs. Nurcahyo, Psi. Pak Yoyok, kelas Psikologi Forensik adalah jenis kelas langka yang 1) selalu saya nanti-nantikan 2)akan saya ambil lagi dan lagi untuk mendapatkan ilmunya 3)diampu oleh dosen yang mengajar karena mencintai pekerjaannya sebagai pengajar. Terimakasih pak Yoyok, karena memberikan saya ruang untuk bertumbuh dan belajar, ‘menyentil’ seperlunya dan dengan bersemangat mendengarkan ide-ide saya, teori-teori dan juga apa yang saya temukan di lapangan. Terimakasih untuk mengingatkan bahwa perjalanan ini adalah perjalanan untuk dinikmati bukan untuk dikutuki. Terimakasih karena tidak hanya membiarkan saya bercerita ngalor ngidul tentang impian saya, tapi juga dengan serius menanggapinya dan memberikan berbagai masukan penting. Terimakasih untuk menjadi pembimbing paling gaul yang bisa diminta oleh seorang mahasiswa. Terimakasih pak, sudah diangkat menjadi ‘anak sendiri’. Sungguh, saya merasa disayang dan diajar.
  6. Ibu Juliana M, Dr.phil., M.Si. Life is never flat, you are so right, Bu. Terimakasih Bu Murni, untuk kata-kata dukungan, pelukan dan bantuan dalam menemukan logika ketika emosi terlalu melimpah menguasai. Alles ist in Ordnug, Bu, finally. And we grow wiser. Thank you for reminding me about this. I am looking forward for another insightful discussions and sharing sessions about life and everything in it over coffee together.
  7. Fakultas Psikologi Universitas Katolik Indonesia Atma Jaya, dosen-dosen yang menjadikan perkuliahan sungguh adalah warna tersendiri dalam hidup. Staff sekretariat lantai 4 dengan pertanyaan “kapan?” yang didengungkan sekitar 6 bulan terakhir ini dan staff lainnya yang membentuk kesatuan Fakultas Psikologi. Saya belajar banyak selama bertahun-tahun menjadi mahasiswi FP UAJ, saya belajar kembali memaknai menjadi manusia dan pada akhirnya, saya bersyukur saya berada di sini.
  8. Mami, Io dan Ido, terimakasih karena menerimaku yang kembali menjadi remaja moody, galak dan egois. Kalian-kalian yang selalu menjadi penyemangat, pendoa, sasaran kegalakan, dan tetap memanggilku anak / kakak setelahnya. Untuk menyaksikan perjalanan ini dari awal hingga akhir, untuk geregetan karena nampaknya lama sekali membuahkan hasil, untuk setiap pertanyaan dengan nada mencemaskan dan nada mengancam, untuk setiap lelucon dan waktu-waktu yang kita bagi bersama, terimakasih banyak.
  9. Bernadetta, terimakasih untuk doa, semangat dan keyakinan. It is always amazing to see how little distance affect us. Thank you for thinking of this research as if it was your own, for those brainstorming sessions and for challenging me non-stop. To think about it, we did start our theses together, right? Remember those times at those family restaurants? Those were great moments of great minds and lots of ice cream and junk foods, I guess. For love and always a safe place to return to, dank well, Loince.
  10. Terimakasih untuk Angelika yang mengerti dan selalu sudah lebih dulu “merasakan”. Terimakasih untuk menyederhanakan segala sesuatunya yang rumit, untuk jadi tim emergencyyang mau datang bahkan di jam 10 malam dan menemani hingga subuh. For a friendship so deep, I am at loss describing it with words, thank you, Cindaynya.
  11. Terimakasih, Brigita untuk tidak juga menyerah dalam mendengarkan ocehanku dan mengubahnya menjadi brainstormingpenuh inspirasi. Untuk berbagi pengalaman dan ilmu, dan untuk menganggap setiap kontak tentang skripsi sebagai sesuatu yang serius, untuk selalu menyisipkan humor (yang kebanyakan tidak disengaja itu), untuk menjadi teman yang seperti bintang (tidak selalu terlihat tapi selalu ada di sana), terimakasih, Brigita.
  12. Monica, terimakasih sudah bersamaku sejak dahulu kala, sejak nongkrongin kelas Statistik, bolos kelas Statistik, dan stucklagi bersama Statistik. Terimakasih untuk merelakan waktu-waku santai untuk pusing bersama, untuk menyemangati, untuk mendengar atau untuk mengomeli. Terimakasih untuk mengingatkan bahwa normal adanya untuk sekali-sekali mengamuk, galau atau bahkan shut down sejenak, karena ini kan skripsi. Terimakasih untuk menjadi sahabat yang setia, lembut dan galak di saat yang perlu, untuk rekomendasi lagu-lagu, dan untuk rasa sayang, gomawo, tiya-ya. Saranghae!
  13. Cynthia, for prayers, for cheering me up, for always providing a good laugh. Thank you for tagging along with me, when together we climb mountains, both the true mountains and other ‘mountains’ too. Thank you for staying here, for patience, for logics and for hugs. For standing by me, always, for the tenth thousand times, thank you, Cynthia.
  14. C.J dan Iin, terimakasih untuk menemani, menyemangati, mengingatkan bahwa petualangan berikutnya selalu menanti. Terimakasih untuk musik, kopi, ramen dan pikiran-pikiran realistis ketika galau dan pembicaraan tentang mimpi ketika terlalu kaku. Karena bersama kalian, mimpi tidak pernah terlalu konyol, dan sejatinya hidup adalah untuk dinikmati.
  15. W, for tons of inspiration and heartwarming actions that you don’t actually realize you gave me. For encouraging, and never giving up even when it doesn’t look like I’m going to finish anything anytime soon. For silently rooting on me, and for being a best friend that you are. Cheers for years and years of friendship!
  16. Teman merantau bersama: Rin, Jen, Achien terimakasih banyak. Terimakasih karena tidak berhenti berbagi keping-keping momen kehidupan bersama-sama, bahkan sekembalinya kita semua ke Tanah Air. 本当にありがとう。こんなに仲良くになると、思わなかったの。君たちと出会って、よかった、よかった。これからも、よろしく! 皆と一緒にまたもっと先へ!
  17. Teman-teman K3J yang setia dengan bangku biru, dan rekan-rekan mahasiswa Jepang yang belajar Bahasa Indonesia dengan semangat di KANDA. Untuk selalu menularkan semangat belajar, dan bermain juga tentunya, terimakasih!
  18. Last, but not least, Kazuki, thank you for inspiring, understanding and being such a friend in the battle with 卒論. Get yours done as soon as possible! で、早く世界一の教育家になってください!今まで色々、ありがとう。
July
Embarked on a 10 days trip to explore Singapore, Ho Chi Minh City, Phnom Penh, Siem Reap, Bangkok and Phuket with her best friend/sworn travel mate (more posts on that later). Had a lot of fun — thinking of the trip as an “escape” and coming home finally recognizing herself again.

Ta Prohm, Siem Reap

Lost Ellie the iPhone in Siem Reap. Apparently, it symbolized something deeper than just losing a phone. She almost forgot one important thing she learned these days: to let go. Ellie is very closely associated to her father. She was crushed but her best friend/travel mate pointed out softly that it’s probably the time already to let go of her father’s passing, sincerely.

August
Welcoming home one of her favorite girl from the land of a thousand lake and wept over the fact that she will only be around for some days. Begin to question the essence of reuniting when soon we’ll just get separated all over again. Banish that evil thought at the very sight of her best friend slash/ sister because it doesnt matter if it was one day or one year. Every hour count as important and she was grateful for every minute the girls have for each other.
September
She turned 24 surrounded by family and friends with surprises, love, laughters, songs, wishes and hugs. Received beautiful greetings and special phone calls (received another phone calls the next day). Went to sleep feeling very very happy.

Had her final interview with a local newspaper for journalist position, at the same time C.J was having her final interview for LPDP Scholarship. Met up for coffee afterwards and ended up discussing life. Realized that although she supported C.J wholeheartedly, it was uncomfortable for her thinking that when her person left for the Netherlands, there will be no more emergency coffee session, movie day out, or ramen/sushi/bakerzin/anything delicious session for one long year.

Rejected by the local newspaper and was asked how about a job with them as an HR instead. Asked them if they were kidding. Very dry sense of humor.

Participated in a traveling competition (reward was 10 days all-expense-paid travel to Japan). Made it to the final round, but failed that, again.

Wondering just what is it with everything?

October
The graduation ceremony. The university mercilessly decided to hold it on weekdays. Which means no one would be available to come since they are all working. Feeling good for herself though, for finally finishing university. Grateful — could not find any other word; for the people who were actually there, sharing her happiness and making sure she had her closest people to fiercely commented on her heavy make-up, but still succeeded in making her feel good anyway.

November
Started a selection process as a young journalist for the biggest english newspaper in the country. Surprisingly, also got invited to an interview with one of the coolest travel magazine in town as a travel writer. Received the call from the magazine while waiting for interview turn at the newspaper office. Such a perfect timing……..

Iin was graduated. The three of us now officially finished university, and totally jobless. Had our rough time wondering why is it so hard to find a decent job, but enjoyed every bit of our last free time together.

December
Just. Too. Many. Things. Happened. In. This. Joyful. Month.

Accepted by the english newspaper. Scheduled for the medical examination process as the last requirements of the selection. Hating the fact of future trip to a hospital. No words/news whatsoever from the travel magazine.
Had a sudden fever, rescheduled the medical examination because there was no point in taking the examination when one had trouble standing firmly.
Fever was over, here comes the monthly period. Uterus controls the universe by again rescheduling the medical examination date like a boss.
Still no news from the travel magazine.
Finally took the medical examination.
The hospital cleared her of any contagious disease and/or use of drugs. Officially accepted by the english newspaper and offered a contract.
Still no news from the travel magazine.
Decided to sign the contract with the english newspaper.
A week away from signing the contract and folks from the travel magazine innocently called.
Accepted as a travel writer for the travel magazine.
Overwhelmed and felt dizzy for a moment.

A very important person in her life returned back one more time to Jakarta. Have all these mixed feelings over that news: happy, grateful, relieved, excited, happy again — to have this person around for Christmas. Feeling really loved by God. Spent some awesome unforgettable days meeting up with this person and hanging out with this person’s family. Just like that and she firmly believed she could not be more blessed.

Accepted the travel magazine’s offer. Wrote a kick-ass email to the english newspaper explaining her withdrawal.

Received an email; a follow up of a super amazing, once in a lifetime kind of opportunity, after applying for that program last year (or was it the year before that?). Was literally jumping all around, could not believe how God rocks her life by opening even bigger doors when she thought He slammed shut all doors she could see right in front of her eyes.

Climbed Mount Papandayan (–Updated–). She climbs mountain not so the world can see her, but so she can see the world. Saw a beautiful and peaceful starry night’s sky show, under the unforgiving wind of Pondok Selada. Wishing she could show this to everyone she loves (besides the ones who were with her that night). Because that is exactly how her loved ones make her feels: beautiful and peaceful. Made promise to herself to return home as a stronger person, realizing 2015 will bring massive changes and challenges but believing she is all set for the adventure.

Looking back at 2014, she knew better than anyone that God transform what she thought as a rejection into something bigger, bigger than her dreams, bigger than her wishes, bigger than herself. Because it was never all about her, life was always something more than just her.

Learned that one of the two biggest lessons in life is to let go. Sooner or later everyone will have to deal with it. The other lesson is that life is always about choices. One of her best friend said that arriving at the crossroads where we have to choose between different good choices is another sign of adulthood. Amen to that. From now on, nobody make decision for us. We choose our own path, and will be responsible for whatever comes out as the consequences of our choices.

Welcome, welcome, adulthood.

All in all, she’d say there were a lot of rejections this year, so many rejections she kind of getting used to it. But through it all there were always, always, hidden blessings — blessings of some kind. So to those of you who are still struggling to find that hidden blessings, don’t stop. Go on, take another step, have faith. We can not explore the ocean if we are too afraid of losing the sight of our own beautiful seashore.

Merry Christmas to you all, happy holidays and happy new year!

Published by reylasano

she writes your stories

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: