Sometimes i got surprised by how words work in describing things and explaining feelings. by choosing the right words, we could simply emphasize what we mean, by choosing the match rhymes, we made them even more beautiful to read, by choosing the good language, we add our signature in every words we speak and write.
But then, as much as i got surprised by words’ effect, there are countless times when i find that things are……… way too difficult to explain by words. too complicated to made a rhyme for what i feel. too abstract for me to search on a good language. there are times, when i feel my silence explain things better than my words.
and I desperately want somebody to know how exactly i feel, yet i just couldn’t find the right words. there are times when i wish by just holding my besties’ hands, they would automatically understand. like i could transferred my confusion, my feelings, my unspeakable thoughts, my pain, my worries, my sorrow…. everything that becomes too difficult to say.
there are times, in my prayer i couldn’t say a single thing. and i just sit there, closing my eyes, bent down my head, and hope that Lord will see through things i could not explain.
i’ve never think of this before. that there truly exist: things that are really too difficult to say. too painful. and no matter how hard i tried, i couldnt let it out of my mouth. sometimes, i caught the glimpse of undersatnding in my besties’ eyes, like they know it. know why i cant explain things, and they know what it is in my mind. but more often, i see they try their best to guess, what is killing me slowly from the inside.
i am a fighter. but the even the mightiest warrior knows exactly when she has to give up, not because she is no longer able to keep the fight, but simply, to end the fight with victory.
and to do that, she needs wisdom. a whole lot of wisdom.
me? please. i’m still searching for that box of wisdom. havent find it yet, havent know yet how to end the fight as a warrior. a truly one.